The girl you want: she’s the one that sits on the pedestal, fiery and impassioned but easily containable. Unpredictable in the best of ways. You want her to improve your image and status you hold and project to the world. A girl you could introduce to your family. A girl you could show off to your buddies. One that may or may not give in to your sex drive and inescapable whims of sexual desire.
One that would give you endless freedom to explore and go on adventures or do just whatever it is that you do-when you want to do it. Not predicting or assuming that you’re in your exotic location with other women around the world. Not stressing at all? And that includes her not focusing on the outcome of your affair.
Not limiting yourself to choice or future possibilities or prospects of love. Always changing her mind and being flexible within “your” parameters. A girl that doesn’t ever embarrass you or spill your secrets to the world. She always says the right thing and puts your career ambitions above her own. Perhaps she is the one that must concede and change to fit your will. Sacrificing her time but never imposing on yours. She’s willing to give you the conventional conditions of the “American Dream.” You being the head of the household. You have two children together, maybe, or a previously divorced woman who has two already. And YOUR picket fence and luxury automobile (despite the high interest rate) in the driveway. You control the finances and determine just when you will try to get pregnant again with “your” child. A girl you could control and a girl to be controlled. Because you’re so out of control and need to feel that stability of a loyal woman in your bed.
The Girl you need: this girl is probably, most likely, not the one you want. She is quiet at the wrong times and speaks her mind in awkward times. She character assassinates when she feels it necessary; this is not without sound reason and well thought out prose. She is cynical and blunt with honesty. This stems from her need of justice and making the world a little bit better for everyone to live in, and if not that, it was sparked by something that hurt her and reminded her of her prior disappointments. This girl will never get knocked up without planning, no matter how hard she has tried. Both of her children from the broken marriage where conceived with the aid of fertility drugs. No unpredictability or excitement here. No potential entrapment of a lover. This girl would rather cling to you for all the hope of love you might give to her instead of allowing the possibility that you would leave her, break her heart or the worst of sins, love another. At the end of the day she would change and give herself too much, losing her complete identity in the relationship. She will cry when she doesn’t get her way and miss you terribly when you ignore her for days, months or years. She could be your best friend or your worstest enemy.
Her speaking of her mind might intimidate you, her ambitions and life experience might make you feel inferior. She might make you feel ashamed when she calls you out for any bullshit you put her through. She won’t forgive easily. If you lie or are inauthentic in any way, but especially just for the sake of boasting or bettering your image and place in society, she will try her best to cut through the false mask you are putting on. She won’t want to hurt you but she will tell you NO if something is wrong, and risk humiliating you if she feels that it will get the point across. She, too, needs alone time to be with herself and God. But she might just feel the need to annoy you with her tears, deep insecurities, and passionate feelings of love.
The reality: This is that we all want love and to be love. We both want to love. We’re both afraid to fall, hurt ourselves or one another. We fear disappointment and falling short—not being able to make the other happy. And maybe we value our own identities too much to be willing to risk loving someone else with all of their faults and imperfections. Yet.. we still have this burning passion inside us that longs to touch each other and penetrate to the core of one another’s being. That human contact and need. You yearn to have that someone to walk with and to hold your hand in public. I desire to have you in my bed at night, caressing me and loving me. And what more could we ask of someone when we are not willing to risk this of ourselves? That vulnerability, that commitment in a world that is impatient and discontent with the reality of what truly works in love.