Are You Balanced or a Stage 5 Clinger?

A perfect love relationship scenario on what not to do is from one of my favorite movies, Wedding Crashers. Let’s stop pretending not to care and distance ourselves from the men we love. So I am referring to Gloria and Jeremy’s relationship in this analogy because Gloria is a “Stage 5 Clinger” female. In a lot ways I can see why women act this way and in her movie it actually works out between her and Jeremy.. so what’s the problem?

I guess I don’t know, really other than it turns a lot of men off from what I can see .. in my personal experience. But then again, if he is meant to be.. nothing will push him away for long. I’ve read quite a few relationship books. The usual self help section for hopeless romantics. What to do and what not to do in relationships. I think though, honestly, that relationship advice is super subjective. How can one know how to act in a relationship when all relationships are different? We meet in different scenarios, for example, we are told to meet in a specific area, or to marry someone within a certain category, or our parents set us up on a date with someone they think we should be with.

But what about Romantic Love? Sir Gawain and the Green Knight and the Holy Grail of love? Is Chivalry and King Arthur’s idea of Romantic Love dead and just a Pie in the Sky? Will relationships between males and females stand the test of time? Can we all have our Fairytale ending with our one true love? Who says men can’t love a Stage 5 clinger like Gloria. A man that is an adventurer who runs as fast as he can at the first sign of clingy behavior? Can we truly love someone that won’t even talk to us? I suppose if you’ve watched enough romantic sob movies like Love Actually, it is possible. Are we all hopelessly doomed to never understand that Love is everywhere and in everything and that it is not always the same for everyone?

We can’t just read a relationship column or a book like, “Why do men Marry Bitches?” and “Always a Bridesmaid Never A Bride” and assume that this advice will somehow magically pertain to our situation or our love life.

I mean don’t we all come with baggage? Don’t we all lose our balance, our equilibrium, our alignment? Don’t we all fall in and out of love and run away from our problems? Don’t we all, at times, feel hopelessly lost in love. And in the short term, at times, lose faith and trust in it when our men walk away from us? Don’t we all inherently know that the love is never lost? Yet still we can act like Gloria, clingy. Hoping, and praying that our men won’t leave, even though this is the fastest way to lose him and keep him gone longer than you will ever know. It’s even worse when it’s flip flopped and the man is doing this to you.

What’s worse is this whole “Love Game.” Or knowing exactly what you are doing as you are doing it, but somehow you just can’t control the urge. It’s like,, you wish that you could be this distant lover holding him on the line..making him want you more…like all those other guys that you ignore and don’t really, really, love. The ones that constantly bug you to go out on dates with them and you just don’t answer. Hoping and wishing that the one you love will wake up and realize that he’s the only one you want. But I suppose this is all how you know you’ve fallen, when you’ve turned into a Stage 5 Clinger and act like a Crazy Fool waiting on the line.

Putting The Pieces Together

I’m going back to my hometown

To the place I was most happy.

I’ve been on my Odyssey, it was in my mind.

You’d think by now I’d be more complete.

Wasn’t it all supposed to be neat?

You’d think by now I’d have gotten the arrow shot.

You’d think by now I’d have manifested my dreams.

The truth is, every  door was closed.

there is only a window, with view of my lost piece

It’s somewhere back in that green grass, with those fall leaves, and that backyard trampoline.

 

REFRACTION AND Internal Combustion

Personal motion forward

Life in the fast lane

This antigravity is about to make me lose my mind.

They say delays mean to go within

Refraction of energy

Cold Fusion

Hot Lava

Be brave when you don’t know

But where is my Northern star? Where is my Alpha Centauri?

Where is my Ceres? My leader, my lover, my laser vision?

I need you, My Astronomer

You’re my brightest star

Lead me to your love, lead me with your love

Guide me, Guide me

Come back to me

 

 

A Betterfly Breakup

Oh, and you are the hottest start on the spectrum. Oh, and falling away from the diagram.

Fierce mind, reminiscence. A time long ago, when the world was blind and numb.

You wear your beautiful hand painted pin-striped shirt with butterflies.

And it all just came to me at once, sitting here thinking.. Don’t you forget to smile.

It doesn’t have to be long and complicated. I know we were only supposed to meet a short while. I can’t make this lifetime commitment to you.

It’s all too scary, its all too unknown. The road we walk down, the river moves us whether we want to ride it or not.

And I think it’s what I know. I think it’s because I don’t have that same desire that you do. Because I don’t want to meet your girl-best friend.

Chorus:

We come together to fall apart

We know this isn’t going to last,

We start this over, this toiling part

We lie to ourselves and forget the past and its eternalness

Without you I know, this time will be, a better start for him, not me.

It’s oh so scary. You don’t make these life-changing decisions for me.

And I am me and you are I. Separate and whole, two in the same.

The Yang the Yang.

And so I go now. I go this walk alone. This path is still unknown.

Winding dark and Emerald grass, a painted sky. I know it now, there shall be no lie.

Chorus:

We come together to fall apart

We know this isn’t going to last,

We start this over, this toiling part

We lie to ourselves and forget the past and its eternalness.

Without you I know, this time will be, a better start for him, not me.

 

Thermodynamics, My Guitar Man

The extensive rings of Saturn burn with heat for you.

My guitar man, how does structure form?

it’s a picture in your mind, it’s a vision in mine.

and I sit here across from you, and you stare at me. Pretend to be annoyed that I won’t shut up.

And I know what you are thinking, you stare right at me as you say it.

the meaning of each word, of every sound.

you are a visionary, a dreamer, a Pisces-Virgo Rising.

Strong and kind and you read those lyrics I suggest, a Kenny Loggins song, a John Parr verse.

You are my other, a substance that is created in that combustion, it’s what we create, it’s what I surrender to.

But is it over between us? You say you’re afraid, this isn’t what I want. “I didn’t sign up for this.”

you are a guitar, man, a bass player. You push me down on the bed and kiss me as I laugh.

You letting your depression go, you allowing me to read your mind, oh, I know it’s uncomfortable, it tires you not being able to lie to me.

you say, “your laugh is so sexy.” I say, “I love it when you smile.”

My body is charged, like that flagpole outside our window. Highlighted with the Texas flag, a perfect view, and I talk on.

on and on and you listen. You don’t even interrupt, though I know you must be getting frustrated.

And you listen, trying to interpret every word, every sound, my gaze, notes to you, and St. Erasmus.

“What isn’t she saying?” You wonder.

Because it’s all in those rings of Saturn, in the structure and form of Dark matter and energy.

Don’t say we’ll never see eachother again.

how does structure form? Thermodynamics, baby.

it’s a picture in your mind, it’s the dream I dream of you, it’s those complex rings of Saturn. It’s the unknown, it’s the scary, it’s the plasma created in St. Elmo’s fire.

 

 

 

Meet my Virginia

My mind, she gives in to you.

You like to rip the President.

This Virginia, she’s the one you want.

My Virginia, she likes to work on Arbitrators and Fuel pumps. Sensors and Mediators.

This is my Virginia, my favorite name for our baby girl.

She’s our alter ego, unusual with Intuition and Confidence.

You need the right partner, it’s beautiful. You’re looking for me, let’s give them something to gossip about.

You’re experiencing a difficult situation at home. Where did you go wrong? Could it be that you need the right partner. The only one with desire for you? Virginia is the only one.

Chorus:

Virginia’s looking like she might be the woman for you,

She’s looking like the only one that has the heat intense enough

The one that has the duel other, the Goddess Warrior desire.

The Chippewa kite that will make Springsteen’s song take flight.

I don’t always wanna be this Goddess, Warrior Queen.

This Chippewa kite, it’s like that Springsteen song that won’t take flight.

I’m dancing high like mushrooms, dizzy and dazed.

My Cinderella Dress caught your eye, and now you’re hooked on my story.

Yeah, my heat, my wetness got you, but your eyes got me.

My mind gives in to you, and allows that smile, the one as you watch me, that one you make as your head rests back on your hands, bent up elbows..reclining.

Touch your hair when you gaze at me, that’s the most obvious sign of attraction, baby.

Chorus:

Virginia’s looking like she might be the woman for you,

I’m looking like the only one that has the heat intense enough

The one that has the duel other, the Goddess Warrior desire.

The Chippewa kite that will make your Springsteen song take flight.

 

Cinderella Dresses and Sweet Bees: How I know I love you. For my lover.

Today I was sitting there and it’s just like, I can’t control it anymore. I love you.

And it’s just these words that I want to tell you.

The words like Manifest and Destiny, and Love, and Losing Control in your Gaze.

That male gaze, My God it gets me going.

You are Fresh, you are MIA, I am a bright young college kid, it might as well be me, baby.

You’re unbaked now, you’re undone. Yeah I know you were high. Done being drunk, tired and stressed? Done being alone?

You’re afraid you will lose control if we are alone together, you’re that hot, sexy nervous sweating around me. I love that about you. It’s how I know you love me, it’s how I know I love you. Because I am tangled up in your desire. Flower

And should I post my theories on my blog? These energies change daily. And how do I know if I will have a girl or a boy with you? I only know if I am with you, because you will decide. Why does the male get to choose the gender of the baby? Because males have the ability to shoot the canon with their y or x chromosome.

And my great- grandma with her corn cob pipe told me so, she told me she is Comanche. She is a warrior princess queen. When you spoke those words of beauty and long hair, and her appearing as a white buffalo woman today with her visions of the future, it’s how I knew you were singing to me. That white buffalo woman came and sang for you and for me. White Buffalo woman goes singing. And I’m your Destiny’s Darling. I don’t ever want to leave you, I want you to protect me. Yeah, I’m so hot for you and only you.

What’s to be done with all of this passion and spark and fire? I  think it’s time we got together, I think it’s time we make our baby girl. You come and get your love.

It’s these Cinderella dresses that I buy to wear at The Phantom of the Opera, it’s the bees that suck the nectar from the center of the orange blossom. When April is ripe with rain, May will come to stay. May, oh, she will come to stay.

Lyrics for Hunter Hayes From The Writing Girl in Austin

Song Lyrics by Molly Farr

You, that sweet girl. Standing there

You, standing outside my window with your long brown hair.

You and that look upon your face, you stand, talking in glory and that stance of grace.

She tells me she will see me at the show tonight. She tells me of her plans to make a flight.

That girl combines religion and gospel. She sings R.E.M. and Bridge Over Troubled Water.

Chorus:

She knew it at once her love of robotics. She knew it all then with her photographic mind. Who knew I’d fall for a girl that wonders about wonders..

Who knew I’d love her love for Artificial Intelligence–Nothing at all.

She’s gone to Cali now to study Physics; she’s gone to deep space to study existence.

The Fascination with gaming and science fiction. The love of June Cash and Johnny’s Devotion.

The sweet gentle touch of my arm around your waist, I feel your vibration, I feel your taste.

She’s got plans to go back to the Chicago Museum. Where she went as a child to see George Lucas’ Creation.

That Darth Vader helmet drew inspiration.

That Storm Trooper vision that sparked her sensation.

Chorus:

She knew it at once her love of robotics. She knew it all then with her photographic mind. Who knew I’d fall for a girl that wonders about wonders..

Who knew I’d love her love for Artificial Intelligence–Nothing at all.

She’s gone to Cali now to study Physics; she’s gone to deep space to study existence.

 

Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?

I just felt the need to write today about one of my recent life experiences. And because of it happening to me the way it did, it was all of a sudden, an extreme shift, and so powerful, all at once, like a rubber band releasing on a pull to come right at me. I had to tell my friends and the people close to me in my sphere, the people that I most look up to. And I guess the response I got was a little bit of a let down at least the two men at school who are my professors who I chatted with today.

I have been practicing law of attraction, love vibration, and getting in tune with nature. I meditate, I pray for those who I love and I feel love, I am love. It’s been getting stronger. I love Abraham Hicks, Vishin Lakhiani, and Bob Proctor and so many more. And this week I watched this YouTube video that I resonated with about the Holographic Universe from the “Quietest Revolution.” And then read some articles on Schumann’s resonance, by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I had an awakening and realization about life, creation and manifestation. I haven’t been sleeping.

And I say this because at first I was afraid of my powers. For a long time I hated myself, I felt disconnected from God, and source energy and love. I have always believed in God since I was a young child, however did I really have faith and trust in God? I still felt that I needed to look for love outside of myself. I was destructive, constantly yearning to numb my pain, not knowing what real love was. I was never my true self, complete with my inner being, yet separated from it, in a battle with her for 6 months while Venus went into the underworld and black moon Lilith was in Scorpio last year.

And so through the destruction, as a Scorpio I am at home with this energy, I found the transformation and connection with God again. But with my Cancer AC and Pisces Moon, I have come into oneness with myself and my inner being, finally, here and now. I have been practicing and am feeling so much love, it’s this cup that is overflowing with joy, and love, and abundance in all things. This past week desires and requests have been manifesting in my life like crazy. Things that I couldn’t explain to anyone. Things that two men that I look up to can’t even make sense of after I tried to explain my experience.

And so I have been spending a lot of time in the vortex, or the other dimension. I’m ascending to a point to which I can’t come down from it when it happens, until it just happens in the early hours of the morning. I can learn to control this, by just not being in that vibrating place all of the time, and living in this moment. Maybe not being happy and sometimes frustrated, or listening to the radio at 440 hz. or just not using frequency too much. Still I am starting to feel the physical effects of all this manifestation. And perhaps you don’t get me or think I am crazy. I feel like I have always had a level head on reality, though. So if it could happen to me, don’t you think it could happen to you? I am a powerful creator and I heal myself and others by moving energy, and light, and holding a space for love. The possibilities are endless.

And so I will tell you some of the manifestations that I asked for this week and how they appeared to me. It was so dang cool. These are just a few.

I asked for a Cardinal to show up. It showed up that afternoon, and sang for me and my mom.

I asked for a question about chocolate that I wanted from a specific person. The next morning that was the first question my mom brought to my attention. I asked about someone “Taking me to Paris,” because I missed the Study Abroad deadline to go this summer and for the scholarship deadline for Fall. I asked that someone to offer to “Take me to Paris, France in the vortex, and I wanted it now! lol, because I stayed home, it wasn’t that person, but instead my mom wore her Old Navy Shirt that says, “Take me to Paris.”

But then I knew I would be back at school so I started asking for more to show me how good I am at this process. and Holy shiittt the requests to God and the Universe became more powerful.

I asked for someone to offer me a flower and tell me that I am beautiful. Well a student in one of my classes ended up telling a story about a homeless lady that sells flowers to people at my campus, because she is sick with cancer. How much more beauty can you ask for in that?

I asked for wonderful conversation and beauty and I got it today with all three of my professors and every lecture! I loved a student in one of my classes perspective on the Grapes of Wrath. I left feeling like he gave a powerful insight and I thanked him for this.

I asked the Universe for my professor to wear his Navy blue suit today, because that one is my favorite. He wore it today.

I asked for a sign that the love I am feeling for someone is true and real, and that he is feeling it, too. Because God, what is he doing to me? It’s so powerful and amazing.

It manifested itself in him reading the same quote from the novel we read. The song “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman,” wouldn’t stop playing in my head today, and I mean, I love Bryan Adams, but that song is random! When I saw him I couldn’t help sing it to myself. And I just can’t keep it in anymore, nervous laughter and constant sweating when I see him. And lolz my dress kept flying up today for no reason! I’m pretty sure my ass was exposed to half of the school because I wore a thong. Never again, thanks self-conscious awareness!!

I told one of my friends at school and a professor that I wanted to quit school after this semester and do something else. I told a professor that I wanted to go and travel to France this summer. That I am a spiritual healer, intuitive, psychic. I move energy, use light and have a powerful mind that this is my true soul’s purpose in this life. That I want to get married again and have another baby, because I know I have another daughter out there waiting for me to create her.

And after all of this, it got brought up again, what would you do if you quit school, became a bum and had endless possibilities and freedom to manifest every desire and every want? Especially if you were able to channel Jack Kerouac.

Because I love Beauty, Truth, and Honesty above all things, and I wouldn’t have written this if I didn’t feel that my life experience wasn’t all of these things.

The headache

Beautiful photos. Brave women! I want to do this, too!

for the love of climbing

After a short week in the big city, I drove my ass 2,300 some odd miles west to Zion, one of my favorite national parks. I don’t know what it is about Zion that’s so captivating to me—the list seems to have no end. Perhaps it’s the feeling of being on another planet (which you kind of are), or the long wall routes of endless sandstone that tower over you, inviting curious climbers to come test their ability. Perhaps it’s the local vibe buzzing around, from the Springdale Candy Company owners (a lovely couple from the midwest) to the adorable tchotchke shops with trinkets for all. Either way, Zion is made of some kind of magic and a place where magic happens.

The sheer volume of climbable terrain is enough to keep you occupied for several lifetimes. I’ve visited a handful of times now but had never done any big…

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The holes in our hearts

Mollie's World of Unsolicited Advice

The hole he was born with in his heart, came from me, but he came from us, I just thought I gave it to him.

His hole, VSD, was found on ultrasound the day he was born.

I think I transferred the hole that was in my broken and empty heart to him while he was still in the womb.

The anger and sadness I felt while pregnant, changed and manipulated a growing heart.

The heart and hole have changed through time.

What once was empty has now closed,

What once was sadness turned to joy.

You cried that day the Doctor told you of his hole she had found.

But the hole is gone now, not even a murmer remains in our son’s heart.

The hole in the heart changed with time.

The broken heart is now whole again.

The heart is always changing, twirling and mingling, shooting rockets…

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