Disclaimer: Let me start off by saying that this article is not necessarily directed or meant to hate on men, but more about how the gender roles have shifted rapidly in our society. This is something I am writing based on personal experience and observation in my failed marriage and dating life since. It’s also my view on the outside in, other people’s marriages I have seen in person, TV, and media.
Women have been dealt too many diamonds in relationships. These difficulties include, finding an appropriate balance in life, career, and school; and then trying to manage a home life as well. A lot of people ask me how I do this. Let me just tell you, now, I don’t do it alone every day, but also come very close to losing it most days. I’m currently single and I don’t know that I can do absolutely everything, nor can I be super mom, and super career mom. I do the best I can, my secret? I take naps.
You may say, “Well, that’s a simple answer to a very complex problem.” I would say, “Yes, indeed, it is.” What it comes down to is this. For many people, the ability to relax and forget about all your problems for a quick second may seem impossible. The gender roles in America are taking on a new extreme. It’s no longer the battle of the sexes, but who is more capable and willing to step up to the day to day challenges that we as humans face. Without a nap, I would never have thirty minutes to quiet my thoughts and shutdown the control center, literally, I would go into brain meltdown without this break. In American culture, how many adults do you know that take naps, or breaks, or siestas in the afternoon? I seriously think this may be the cause for such problems in relationships, gender roles and failed relationships. People just lose it on each other; they are over stressed, and exhausted from going on empty in their 9-5 jobs.
You want to know what one of the biggest problems and points of conflict I had in my marriage? It was this, not being able to balance life, career, and home life with a partner. Me, never being able to relax long enough to enjoy myself in marriage– and this bleed into all of my failed relationships. And when I say failed, I mean absolute failure. This is not from lack of trying, most of the things I do; I do passionately and with whole heart. It is something that I fear is very common for most people. And once you lose your ability to relax and have a healthy balance, you lose everything good.
For example, I will call this common problem I’ve noticed in marriage, burnout. You get to a point in the relationship were you just want to give up. Say, you’re fighting all the time about stupid crap. But a lot of this is because you are barely staying afloat. Whose turn is it to do the dishes? Or who’s going to give the baby the bath and put her to bed tonight? Seriously, it comes to this. You fight over little things because you can’t handle it anymore. You’re freaking exhausted with life and each other and your family. You think to yourself, “when is this ever going to end?” Sorry to say, it does not. And, usually, it gets worse before it gets better.
I’d like to blame the guy for all of the problems. It seems like an easy route to take, because after all, he’s the one who is supposed to provide for the family, right? Hmm.. maybe in the 50’s. Times have changed. No longer is it going to work to have one parent working outside the home. Most if not all, working class families (and I say, working class, because we were never the middle class) have to both work to afford a lifestyle just above poverty. And maybe guys do their share, still. But that’s not the point that I am getting to. The point is. Women have had to take on way more responsibility and more is required of them now than ever before. Guys have different pressures maybe, but this is nothing to compare to what women go through, and what is expected from the average American woman nowadays—WOMEN do it all, and men watch–not knowing what to do.
I say this because I have taken on the job and role of both parents and have men watching me now. It’s like they are intimidated to even talk to me. It’s weird. This past month for example, I have fixed a broken washing machine; replaced a fuel pump and gasket, cleaned a throttle body and EGR valve, mowed and weed eated my front lawn, fixed a leaking faucet and replaced the broken head with a boiler drain valve. Most of this was viewed by my nosy, lazy, next door neighbor that did nothing, not even a finger to help me. Basically he let his dog out to poop and sat in his back yard and just stared at me. I don’t know if this was in awe, disgust, or intimidation. Either way, this guy is pasty white, from never seeing the sun or a bead of sweat in his life—probably because he works from home. (Maybe he is secretly a vampire.)
The point is, women are doing it all and men are watching. It’s like; they don’t know what to do anymore. They can’t keep up with everything that we are doing and our constant multitasking in life. Home, kids, work, school, fun, women are doing it all, and we are exhausted. And I just have to say, women find it attractive when guys do things for them still. We still want and need you! Do a chore for us once in a while without us asking or maybe just plan a night out for us, we will love you for it, and because it was something we didn’t even have to think about! All I can say is, the biggest turn off is a guy that refuses to do anything, and sits back and watches the beautiful, powerful, woman that does it all from a distance.