This morning I woke up with the urge to do some writing. I often wonder, is this a normal feeling for anyone else but me? Perhaps I am divinely inspired, but I think I have come to realize that it is just my gift, and I have become much more clear of that recently. I get excited and then the momentum continues, if I can’t type fast enough to keep up with my train of thought, sometimes I get exasperated with my self.
I want to write about something in particular that has been bothering me recently. SELF DEFEATISM, giving up, and especially before you are making a transformation in your life. Sometimes this fear of the unknown is extremely scary, and you just don’t know how you’re going to do it. I think this is the first time I have ever experienced something so life changing that has nothing to do with my physical body, sure I have been pregnant and given birth to two children, but this is a different sort of fear, because ultimately that baby comes whether or not you are ready for it. The decision has already been decided for you by the laws of nature.
I had a major freak out on Friday night, I would say that I was about to give up on everything that I have been working towards. The fear started this past week. I was so stressed out that I couldn’t even think straight, it got so bad that my body reacted by shifting my hormone levels to the point of having extreme mood swings and becoming something I never want to admit to being, monster momma.
I reconsidered everything on Friday night, this is when my transformation was greatest. I watched a 2:30hr you tube video with Dr. Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks, discussing the law of attraction. I am very thankful that I did. I realized while watching this that when you are connected to source energy that you have the clarity to make the best decisions and that making decisions solely based on feelings is what many people do. So, it basically answered my question, how do you know that you are making the right decision? And, how do you know if you are going down the right path? Funny, I thought again that maybe I was making a terrible decision with finishing my degree in English, the fear set in, financial burdens of taking out a lot of student loans, and that maybe, just maybe, this was a bogus degree that would get me no where in life quick upon graduating. Did I want to make this investment and spend long tiring hours studying, writing papers and focus not on my two beautiful children? Perhaps I should quit school because I don’t want to be a career whore that is married to writing and research and never going to have any family time again.
I’m going to say that I think I was solely in the fear and an extremely weak place when I was thinking these things. IF you are not in a good place emotionally to make a decision, do not.
I advise from a better place, that you get very clear and visualize what you really want.
This is the fear before the transformation. People can misinterpret spirituality when they are not coming from a place of higher consciousness. I had to get really clear again about what I want for myself. I cannot give up right before the something that is new and scary is about to open up before me. Going back to school is that something that is new and extremely scary for me. I often get asked how I do it, and I honestly can say that I believe it is through God, prayer, and some recent guidance from source energy. I know that I cannot do it all alone, but I have to listen to my intuition and realize that it’s okay to take the first step toward what I want for myself. The blossom will open and unfold before everyone’s eyes so that I don’t have to explain it anymore.