I want a day like today everyday. Today was full of feelings so strong that I know I can never go back to feeling like a numb vegetable.

Today I woke up with the most JOY I have ever experienced before.

I woke up knowing why we are here. I woke up knowing why I am here

I woke up and took in the awe and wonder of the creation around me.

I reveled at it and listened to a beautiful piece of music.

I reveled at it and I cried tears of joy for the first time in my life

I reveled at it and I stood in wonder as I watched a hummingbird flutter at the bird of paradise in my yard.

IT WAS SO EXTRAORDINARY

That bird of paradise is my favorite plant in my yard, it is orange and glorious.

I looked up at my beautiful pink crate myrtle tree and I knew that the world couldn’t get anymore vivid in color.

Food tasted more wonderful than it has ever tasted before. Chips and Salsa, Pickles and Raisin Toast for breakfast, with the best butter I could ever ask for.

Then the joy dissipated. I felt rejection to the core and loss of love. I felt extreme sadness and pain. I felt like I could die and it would be okay with me. I felt that I would never feel love again. I came down to the lowest vibration that I used to feel on a regular basis in my depression. I didn’t want it to last long, because I want to be a deliberate creator. But I had to revel in it for a moment, I had to feel the pain to realize that in it, and because of it, I was reminded of the joy once again that I had experienced earlier today.

I want another day like today. I want to experience these emotions again and again.

I want the love and joy, even if it comes with agony, pain, and heartache.

I want the personal motion forward, I want to taste food like I’ve never tasted before. I want to look at the creation in all its beauty, and I want to revel in joy every day of my life.

 

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