Trust, it’s something I gave up on a long time ago. I can’t remember the last time I experienced the feeling of knowing and let go of fear and worry. I think I may have felt trust as a child, I remember when I was three and I had trust in my parents and their love for me. Whenever I would get hurt, I could go to my mom and I knew that she would be there for me to fix me up and love me.
But somewhere along the way, I lost it, trust. Trust isn’t something anyone can give you, not even your own parents.
Trust– it seems like such a complicated concept, but it’s not, we humans make it complicated. It’s always been there for us. We were born trusting our instincts and knew that we could survive because of these traits we were programmed with. I let myself lose the ability to trust in relationships and people. I lost faith in good things happening for me. I lost trust when I started to worry all the time that things would be lost forever or that I would ruin something. I lost trust in life, and I lost trust in God. I lost trust and instead replaced it with worry about everything. I lost trust and replaced it with stress and doubt.
Trust is something that has come back to me recently. I think it happened unexpectedly, because I can’t say for sure the process of how I got it back. I can describe how it feels, though.
It feels like youth and less worry lines on my face. It feels like anti-aging cream. It feels like smiling more. It feels like acceptance for what is. It feels like knowing. It feels like I am loved. It feels like being happy more. It feels like gratitude. It feels like I can do no wrong. It feels like I can’t get life wrong. It feels like excitement. It feels like joy. It feels like knowing what to do and having the right timing, every time. It feels like letting go. It feels like falling in love. It feels like joy. It feels like taking my life back. It feels like the opposite of not trusting. It feels like I found it in the contrast of not trusting and starting to allow. It feels like I found it, when I gave up on stress and started to enjoy my life.
Yeah, that is how I found it again. And, boy, I’m so grateful it’s here. It’s funny, trust was here all along.