The Split of Real

I’ve been trying to rationalize quitting for a few months now. Rationalization has always come easily for me. I’ve had many legitimate reasons for giving up, I’ve had numerous barriers, obstacles, and heartaches come up this year, and this past semester. I’ve had many reasons to just say, F this and do something else that is easier, to give in to the pressure, stress, and pain of it all. I’ve been praying and asking for help on what to do with my life. My life affects so many others lives. I want to do good for the World, and I want to know that I am doing the right thing. I rationalized over the weekend on what to do. But something kept telling me that this rationalization is just a fear, that I can’t give up. The little voice, you know the one that is usually against you, telling you that you suck, and aren’t worthy or blah blah negative? It was actually turning against my rational thought, it was turning against my fear and is now telling me not to give up. Don’t give up. You need to stay on your path. Don’t give up now, you’ve made it this far. Don’t give up, you need to do this for yourself and others. Don’t give up, you will make it through this. And so, when I asked for help last night and prayed some more, this is what I heard playing over and over again. This morning I awoke and 4:30, the usual time I am awakened by God to have a chat with me. The light of my computer screen flicked on, and my daughter crawled into bed with me. I couldn’t go back to sleep. Spirit continued the conversation with me, and said, this is what to do, don’t give up now. You’re almost there. And so I am listening. Instead of quitting, I will register for classes today. I will continue, because my voice that once fought me on everything, has now decided to root in my favor.