The girl you want versus the Girl you need.

The girl you want: she’s the one that sits on the pedestal, fiery and impassioned but easily containable. Unpredictable in the best of ways. You want her to improve your image and status you hold and project to the world. A girl you could introduce to your family. A girl you could show off to your buddies. One that may or may not give in to your sex drive and inescapable whims of sexual desire.
One that would give you endless freedom to explore and go on adventures or do just whatever it is that you do-when you want to do it. Not predicting or assuming that you’re in your exotic location with other women around the world. Not stressing at all? And that includes her not focusing on the outcome of your affair.
Not limiting yourself to choice or future possibilities or prospects of love. Always changing her mind and being flexible within “your” parameters. A girl that doesn’t ever embarrass you or spill your secrets to the world. She always says the right thing and puts your career ambitions above her own. Perhaps she is the one that must concede and change to fit your will. Sacrificing her time but never imposing on yours. She’s willing to give you the conventional conditions of the “American Dream.” You being the head of the household. You have two children together, maybe, or a previously divorced woman who has two already. And YOUR picket fence and luxury automobile (despite the high interest rate) in the driveway. You control the finances and determine just when you will try to get pregnant again with “your” child. A girl you could control and a girl to be controlled. Because you’re so out of control and need to feel that stability of a loyal woman in your bed.

The Girl you need: this girl is probably, most likely, not the one you want. She is quiet at the wrong times and speaks her mind in awkward times. She character assassinates when she feels it necessary; this is not without sound reason and well thought out prose. She is cynical and blunt with honesty. This stems from her need of justice and making the world a little bit better for everyone to live in, and if not that, it was sparked by something that hurt her and reminded her of her prior disappointments. This girl will never get knocked up without planning, no matter how hard she has tried. Both of her children from the broken marriage where conceived with the aid of fertility drugs. No unpredictability or excitement here. No potential entrapment of a lover. This girl would rather cling to you for all the hope of love you might give to her instead of allowing the possibility that you would leave her, break her heart or the worst of sins, love another. At the end of the day she would change and give herself too much, losing her complete identity in the relationship. She will cry when she doesn’t get her way and miss you terribly when you ignore her for days, months or years. She could be your best friend or your worstest enemy.
Her speaking of her mind might intimidate you, her ambitions and life experience might make you feel inferior. She might make you feel ashamed when she calls you out for any bullshit you put her through. She won’t forgive easily. If you lie or are inauthentic in any way, but especially just for the sake of boasting or bettering your image and place in society, she will try her best to cut through the false mask you are putting on. She won’t want to hurt you but she will tell you NO if something is wrong, and risk humiliating you if she feels that it will get the point across. She, too, needs alone time to be with herself and God. But she might just feel the need to annoy you with her tears, deep insecurities, and passionate feelings of love.

The reality: This is that we all want love and to be love. We both want to love. We’re both afraid to fall, hurt ourselves or one another. We fear disappointment and falling short—not being able to make the other happy. And maybe we value our own identities too much to be willing to risk loving someone else with all of their faults and imperfections. Yet.. we still have this burning passion inside us that longs to touch each other and penetrate to the core of one another’s being. That human contact and need. You yearn to have that someone to walk with and to hold your hand in public. I desire to have you in my bed at night, caressing me and loving me. And what more could we ask of someone when we are not willing to risk this of ourselves? That vulnerability, that commitment in a world that is impatient and discontent with the reality of what truly works in love.


Around The Rink Once Again

I remember roller skating as a child. My parents took me to the roller rink a few times, I went to church functions and grew up seeing my dad in roller skates. I took some time for me to go out on my own, I was so afraid to fall. When I was six or seven I saw a woman fall and hurt her leg bad. But it was my favorite song, “come and ride a train.” that got me off the wall of the roller rink. I realize now that it was that song and watching my dad glide on the rink with ease and speed.

As I grew I got better at skating. I got roller blades one year for Christmas and I started to go on competing with myself. I would go over speed bumps with a new found confidence, not feeling a fear of falling anymore, but invigoration and joy. I looked for new dangerous places and fell a lot more. This time I had some padding though, knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards–they provided me some security and super powers. My favorite spot soon became the large speed bump in the church driveway in the down hill parking lot.

Somewhere along the way things went wrong for me in roller skating. When I left Michigan at ten, my life was never the same. Looking back I don’t think this was as bad of a thing as I used to think in my teens but I was changed forever after leaving my hometown and friends.

When I moved to Arizona, I remember 5th grade and how terrible I felt. It took me longer to make new friends, I lived in a kind of sketchy area of Mesa and I was now regressing in school, due to the fact that the school district was poor, I was now in a portable building. As I look back as an adult, I now see that I repeated the same material I had learned the year prior, perhaps this is just because there is padding in grade school. Anyhow, I had difficulties adjusting to the temperature and the environment of Arizona. My body took time to adjust in every way, spiritually, emotionally and physically.

That year in 5th grade we went skating for our school class party and it was’t the same for me. I had developed such a fear again and my allergies had gotten so bad from the dust, and new plants and heat of Arizona, that I could hardly breathe. I ended up leaving early with my dad after going around the rink one time.

I missed my hometown, my friends, and the rollerblading in my front yard. I thought about how I had learned to ice skate in the back yard of my friend’s house. How everything had been more simple before, and now what was so simple before seemed so out of reach now.

The next year we moved from Mesa to Scottsdale. I started 6th grade and found a popular crowd of girls right away that befriended me. All of my worries started to fade and my attention was turned to shaving my legs, and dating the more popular boy in the class who to everyone’s shock had a crush on me, the “new girl.”

And so we started, “going out.” Wow that seems so funny to me now. My first real boyfriend that liked me, and I didnt even have eyes for him. He was so popular though, and my new friends were jealous of me. He had bleached his hair on the top and spiked it in the front with hair gel. It was so ridiculous but cute at the same time. I was so awkward, I had such crooked teeth and my friends started rumors about me because let’s face it, girls can be so catty and mean. That year I got braces on my bottom teeth. The romance with my first boyfriend in 6th grade ended because of my refusal to actually “go out” with him. Found out that he was already macking with some other blonde at the roller rink. My friend Amanda told me that because of his rejection that he spread a rumor that I had bad breath. My social life was ruined, albeit temporarily. I soon developed another crush and became boy crazy.

The battles in love and life were set up from then on. My rollerskating had changed from being afraid, to feeling invorgorated, to scared and apprehensive all within a year. We had another skate party in 6th grade. This time was different. I had developed a significant crush on an intelligent boy in my class. He took me out on the roller rink and we did a couple skate. I told him that my palms were sweaty. This is how nervous I was! He didn’t seem to notice. That skate is forever etched in my mind. The feeling of how love should be, innocent and kind and going around the circle with the one you love and want to be with. As the song ended, he asked someone else to go with him, and after that, he asked her to be his girlfriend.

And so I sit here writing this and looking back, at least I had the opportunity to experience what it was like to feel love and excitement with someone I was crushing on, even if it was just for a short period of time.

This past weekend I took my kids skating and it was amazing. They went out on the rink with me, and it was so empty, just us three for most of the time. And I saw my daughter, wobbly and afraid, holding the wall like I used to do. But she watched me, excited and alone, invigorated again as I glided fast and happy across the rink. Going around and around in circles to a new song. Confident once again.


Putting The Pieces Together

I’m going back to my hometown

To the place I was most happy.

I’ve been on my Odyssey, it was in my mind.

You’d think by now I’d be more complete.

Wasn’t it all supposed to be neat?

You’d think by now I’d have gotten the arrow shot.

You’d think by now I’d have manifested my dreams.

The truth is, every  door was closed.

there is only a window, with view of my lost piece

It’s somewhere back in that green grass, with those fall leaves, and that backyard trampoline.


Meet my Virginia

My mind, she gives in to you.

You like to rip the President.

This Virginia, she’s the one you want.

My Virginia, she likes to work on Arbitrators and Fuel pumps. Sensors and Mediators.

This is my Virginia, my favorite name for our baby girl.

She’s our alter ego, unusual with Intuition and Confidence.

You need the right partner, it’s beautiful. You’re looking for me, let’s give them something to gossip about.

You’re experiencing a difficult situation at home. Where did you go wrong? Could it be that you need the right partner. The only one with desire for you? Virginia is the only one.


Virginia’s looking like she might be the woman for you,

She’s looking like the only one that has the heat intense enough

The one that has the duel other, the Goddess Warrior desire.

The Chippewa kite that will make Springsteen’s song take flight.

I don’t always wanna be this Goddess, Warrior Queen.

This Chippewa kite, it’s like that Springsteen song that won’t take flight.

I’m dancing high like mushrooms, dizzy and dazed.

My Cinderella Dress caught your eye, and now you’re hooked on my story.

Yeah, my heat, my wetness got you, but your eyes got me.

My mind gives in to you, and allows that smile, the one as you watch me, that one you make as your head rests back on your hands, bent up elbows..reclining.

Touch your hair when you gaze at me, that’s the most obvious sign of attraction, baby.


Virginia’s looking like she might be the woman for you,

I’m looking like the only one that has the heat intense enough

The one that has the duel other, the Goddess Warrior desire.

The Chippewa kite that will make your Springsteen song take flight.


Cinderella Dresses and Sweet Bees: How I know I love you. For my lover.

Today I was sitting there and it’s just like, I can’t control it anymore. I love you.

And it’s just these words that I want to tell you.

The words like Manifest and Destiny, and Love, and Losing Control in your Gaze.

That male gaze, My God it gets me going.

You are Fresh, you are MIA, I am a bright young college kid, it might as well be me, baby.

You’re unbaked now, you’re undone. Yeah I know you were high. Done being drunk, tired and stressed? Done being alone?

You’re afraid you will lose control if we are alone together, you’re that hot, sexy nervous sweating around me. I love that about you. It’s how I know you love me, it’s how I know I love you. Because I am tangled up in your desire. Flower

And should I post my theories on my blog? These energies change daily. And how do I know if I will have a girl or a boy with you? I only know if I am with you, because you will decide. Why does the male get to choose the gender of the baby? Because males have the ability to shoot the canon with their y or x chromosome.

And my great- grandma with her corn cob pipe told me so, she told me she is Comanche. She is a warrior princess queen. When you spoke those words of beauty and long hair, and her appearing as a white buffalo woman today with her visions of the future, it’s how I knew you were singing to me. That white buffalo woman came and sang for you and for me. White Buffalo woman goes singing. And I’m your Destiny’s Darling. I don’t ever want to leave you, I want you to protect me. Yeah, I’m so hot for you and only you.

What’s to be done with all of this passion and spark and fire? I  think it’s time we got together, I think it’s time we make our baby girl. You come and get your love.

It’s these Cinderella dresses that I buy to wear at The Phantom of the Opera, it’s the bees that suck the nectar from the center of the orange blossom. When April is ripe with rain, May will come to stay. May, oh, she will come to stay.

April Come She Will

I heard the song last night by Simon and Garfunkel, “April Come She Will.” I know this is my daughter. I get messages in sound, music, and pictures, and visions and feelings.

A few nights ago, I went into the vortex and discovered my Akashic Record. I transcended the Earth plane, and this dimension.

I saw my soul’s purpose in this lifetime.

I know who I will marry, who I am going to marry.

I know that I am going to be an example for others, a leader, a speaker, a teacher.

I know I am going to have another baby girl, her name is April, she will be an Aries. She is one of the reasons I have come into this lifetime. To give birth to her. My God she is beautiful! She will be the next evolution of humanity, she will be an evolved human being that will surpass all and any understanding, knowledge that I  or him could ever learn in a lifetime. She is a manifestation and a symbol of the coming generation that will inhabit this earth.

I saw my new baby nephew, he is beautiful and smiley and looks just like my baby picture at 3 months. He is due May 1st, 2017.


I keep having these visions of babies, and pregnancies, and I just can’t even. They are dancing in my head.

These Powerful Psychic Abilities of Mine

There is a reason I have shut off my third eye. There is a reason for why I had to destruct and suffer and disallow. Cut myself off from God.

But I have chosen never to close off my gifts ever again.

The fear, the knowing, there are reasons why we don’t want to see things. There is a reason most of us don’t know the future.

It scares you, it scares most.

Tonight my visions were vivid. I saw us dancing to our song on our wedding day again, it has been there for a few weeks, but.. it’s clear as day now. It’s a beautiful choreographed song that will tell our story when everyone watches us dance to it.

Tonight I saw you, holding me in your arms and me crying, having just miscarried our first child at 9 weeks, or was it 3 months? I guess it doesn’t really matter. I can’t sleep, and avoid or prevent this.

It started up again yesterday, you allowing me, and you seeing my abilities and me for who I really am. You saw and understood after you watched the Tarot readings about Scorpios and Capricorns, and the fraternal twins, The Lovers and the Two of Cups and the Empress. I tuned in and asked, and was told your Sun is in the 9th house, you’re a Capricorn on the cusp with a Moon in the 10th house in Aquarius. You have so much Libra and Gemini energy. Your 6th house is most likely in Leo. But I accidentally already watched your Capricorn reading back in early March.

You schemed tonight about pretending to be engaged and wearing a wedding band on Tuesday. Why? Why.. that is so stupid and unnecessary. I get it, you like your boundaries. You stubborn asshole. I just want to talk to you and tell you what I know and see. I want to tell you I love you. You want to protect me already. But you won’t hurt me because of your past. I need you to protect me, and I need your love.

And you were watching and reading everything all weekend trying to figure out if I am the one. Reading my Cancer Ascendant description, finding out if this water sign is the woman of your dreams. If I am your soulmate. I think the answer is pretty clear, baby. I saw you and know you are. And you have been waiting for me and have been patient for me, too.

Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?

I just felt the need to write today about one of my recent life experiences. And because of it happening to me the way it did, it was all of a sudden, an extreme shift, and so powerful, all at once, like a rubber band releasing on a pull to come right at me. I had to tell my friends and the people close to me in my sphere, the people that I most look up to. And I guess the response I got was a little bit of a let down at least the two men at school who are my professors who I chatted with today.

I have been practicing law of attraction, love vibration, and getting in tune with nature. I meditate, I pray for those who I love and I feel love, I am love. It’s been getting stronger. I love Abraham Hicks, Vishin Lakhiani, and Bob Proctor and so many more. And this week I watched this YouTube video that I resonated with about the Holographic Universe from the “Quietest Revolution.” And then read some articles on Schumann’s resonance, by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I had an awakening and realization about life, creation and manifestation. I haven’t been sleeping.

And I say this because at first I was afraid of my powers. For a long time I hated myself, I felt disconnected from God, and source energy and love. I have always believed in God since I was a young child, however did I really have faith and trust in God? I still felt that I needed to look for love outside of myself. I was destructive, constantly yearning to numb my pain, not knowing what real love was. I was never my true self, complete with my inner being, yet separated from it, in a battle with her for 6 months while Venus went into the underworld and black moon Lilith was in Scorpio last year.

And so through the destruction, as a Scorpio I am at home with this energy, I found the transformation and connection with God again. But with my Cancer AC and Pisces Moon, I have come into oneness with myself and my inner being, finally, here and now. I have been practicing and am feeling so much love, it’s this cup that is overflowing with joy, and love, and abundance in all things. This past week desires and requests have been manifesting in my life like crazy. Things that I couldn’t explain to anyone. Things that two men that I look up to can’t even make sense of after I tried to explain my experience.

And so I have been spending a lot of time in the vortex, or the other dimension. I’m ascending to a point to which I can’t come down from it when it happens, until it just happens in the early hours of the morning. I can learn to control this, by just not being in that vibrating place all of the time, and living in this moment. Maybe not being happy and sometimes frustrated, or listening to the radio at 440 hz. or just not using frequency too much. Still I am starting to feel the physical effects of all this manifestation. And perhaps you don’t get me or think I am crazy. I feel like I have always had a level head on reality, though. So if it could happen to me, don’t you think it could happen to you? I am a powerful creator and I heal myself and others by moving energy, and light, and holding a space for love. The possibilities are endless.

And so I will tell you some of the manifestations that I asked for this week and how they appeared to me. It was so dang cool. These are just a few.

I asked for a Cardinal to show up. It showed up that afternoon, and sang for me and my mom.

I asked for a question about chocolate that I wanted from a specific person. The next morning that was the first question my mom brought to my attention. I asked about someone “Taking me to Paris,” because I missed the Study Abroad deadline to go this summer and for the scholarship deadline for Fall. I asked that someone to offer to “Take me to Paris, France in the vortex, and I wanted it now! lol, because I stayed home, it wasn’t that person, but instead my mom wore her Old Navy Shirt that says, “Take me to Paris.”

But then I knew I would be back at school so I started asking for more to show me how good I am at this process. and Holy shiittt the requests to God and the Universe became more powerful.

I asked for someone to offer me a flower and tell me that I am beautiful. Well a student in one of my classes ended up telling a story about a homeless lady that sells flowers to people at my campus, because she is sick with cancer. How much more beauty can you ask for in that?

I asked for wonderful conversation and beauty and I got it today with all three of my professors and every lecture! I loved a student in one of my classes perspective on the Grapes of Wrath. I left feeling like he gave a powerful insight and I thanked him for this.

I asked the Universe for my professor to wear his Navy blue suit today, because that one is my favorite. He wore it today.

I asked for a sign that the love I am feeling for someone is true and real, and that he is feeling it, too. Because God, what is he doing to me? It’s so powerful and amazing.

It manifested itself in him reading the same quote from the novel we read. The song “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman,” wouldn’t stop playing in my head today, and I mean, I love Bryan Adams, but that song is random! When I saw him I couldn’t help sing it to myself. And I just can’t keep it in anymore, nervous laughter and constant sweating when I see him. And lolz my dress kept flying up today for no reason! I’m pretty sure my ass was exposed to half of the school because I wore a thong. Never again, thanks self-conscious awareness!!

I told one of my friends at school and a professor that I wanted to quit school after this semester and do something else. I told a professor that I wanted to go and travel to France this summer. That I am a spiritual healer, intuitive, psychic. I move energy, use light and have a powerful mind that this is my true soul’s purpose in this life. That I want to get married again and have another baby, because I know I have another daughter out there waiting for me to create her.

And after all of this, it got brought up again, what would you do if you quit school, became a bum and had endless possibilities and freedom to manifest every desire and every want? Especially if you were able to channel Jack Kerouac.

Because I love Beauty, Truth, and Honesty above all things, and I wouldn’t have written this if I didn’t feel that my life experience wasn’t all of these things.

Falling in love again

I have had an interesting past few months to say the least. Most people probably don’t want to know all the fine details. Today was kind of a shitty day, however I watched the video by the Quietest Revolution on YouTube and it was on point with what is going on in my life as a Scorpio. You should check it out.

I think I am going to allow myself to fall in love again, especially after all of the heartache I have gone through in my life. In meeting and growing and learning that I have done and not done, in this I have found knowing of what I want and in a love relationship. We as women often are taken for granted, unappreciated, and feel resentful when we are not loved. It is a two way street for sure, but I am going to allow for the person I love to come into my life now and give me kisses and spontaneous hugs. I am ready to love and be loved again. I am going to turn around the two of fire, and take on the world again.

#Solar Eclipse 2017

#Scorpio in Love

My Future Husband

My hands are small and fit into yours perfectly.

Before I ever saw you I knew that you would be something special and different.

I knew you from a space and time prior to this present reality

That we would just know.

Many times I have been deceived on my journey into thinking he was you, but I have waited,

Anticipation for your touch,

You have already taught me patience, and lessons like no other could.

You are that significant, that it lets me know you are my future husband,

Last night I had the dream of you, it was so vivid and real, not only proposing like the one the week prior, but of you saying your vows to me and smiling in front of our friends and family.

Your presence has been unmatched to any before you, we are so psychically connected

And all its magic, my prayers have been answered.

Though I know you have been sick and wondering where I stand,

Yes I do, I want to take care of you, too.

©Molly Farr