A Systemic Complacency

I try to break out of my comfort zone, but I can’t

My eyes still look away

Not wanting to see homeless people.

Rather disassociate myself in order to survive

It’s the shit.

It’s what we are spoon fed in grade school

To be preconditioned is to be forewarned of the suffering

The massive shift from chattel slavery to the prison-industrial system

For that matter, sex trafficking and domestic violence

Slavery can be forgotten, because it’s still happening.

Now it’s just in a different forum.

Can’t we just blame Walmart or Canada?

We didn’t even have a chance, we were already so far behind.

If it’s not one thing, it’s just another

And the horror of it all.

But now it’s a Renaissance

Breaking away the social construct of previous generations

It takes time to showcase the art of suffering

The suffering that has been internalized for years, at least since the 90’s

From what I can remember, technophobia and Y2K, and OJ Simpson’s murder trial.

The problems are systemic and came from those TV’s and rows of houses.

They come from darkness, or when you made the discovery that it was all a lie.

It was how they controlled mass populations of people.

By selling them a dream, and being able to tear it away on a moments whim

By telling us to internalize all of our problems, because how else could we go to work everyday and suffer? Only if we are good boys and girls and each earn a living can we be happy, successful members of society.

Good Citizens, yes, good Citizens.

We never had a chance.

We became complacent when we could no longer buy three meals a day for ourselves or our children.

We became complacent when our mothers chose to be homeless instead of working a 9-5 job.

We became complacent when we had a heart attack and could not pay our medical debts.

We became complacent when we owed back taxes to the IRS.

We became complacent when our children are taken away from us because we chose drugs, or alcohol or another man.

We became complacent when we are told we are no longer needed and lose our jobs.

We became complacent when our house was infested with German Cockroaches and we lose all of our belongings.

We become complacent when mother nature rears her ugly head and destroys an entire town with a tornado.

We become complacent when we know longer know anything, for our belief system was all shattered, turned upside down, tipped over, lost, broken, penetrable, because we were misunderstood, and too chaotic

Art for art’s sake, no that’s just for people who have nothing better to do besides wear a mask to cover their apathy and boredom. And who has time to be bored anymore? We are just surviving, trying to eat and making sure that we won’t be deported next month? Our dreams have already been crushed and so we are waiting for the right time. The opportune moment to take action. Waiting for the Feminine. Waiting for our Austin Renaissance.

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Putting The Pieces Together

I’m going back to my hometown

To the place I was most happy.

I’ve been on my Odyssey, it was in my mind.

You’d think by now I’d be more complete.

Wasn’t it all supposed to be neat?

You’d think by now I’d have gotten the arrow shot.

You’d think by now I’d have manifested my dreams.

The truth is, every  door was closed.

there is only a window, with view of my lost piece

It’s somewhere back in that green grass, with those fall leaves, and that backyard trampoline.

 

REFRACTION AND Internal Combustion

Personal motion forward

Life in the fast lane

This antigravity is about to make me lose my mind.

They say delays mean to go within

Refraction of energy

Cold Fusion

Hot Lava

Be brave when you don’t know

But where is my Northern star? Where is my Alpha Centauri?

Where is my Ceres? My leader, my lover, my laser vision?

I need you, My Astronomer

You’re my brightest star

Lead me to your love, lead me with your love

Guide me, Guide me

Come back to me

 

 

Thermodynamics, My Guitar Man

The extensive rings of Saturn burn with heat for you.

My guitar man, how does structure form?

it’s a picture in your mind, it’s a vision in mine.

and I sit here across from you, and you stare at me. Pretend to be annoyed that I won’t shut up.

And I know what you are thinking, you stare right at me as you say it.

the meaning of each word, of every sound.

you are a visionary, a dreamer, a Pisces-Virgo Rising.

Strong and kind and you read those lyrics I suggest, a Kenny Loggins song, a John Parr verse.

You are my other, a substance that is created in that combustion, it’s what we create, it’s what I surrender to.

But is it over between us? You say you’re afraid, this isn’t what I want. “I didn’t sign up for this.”

you are a guitar, man, a bass player. You push me down on the bed and kiss me as I laugh.

You letting your depression go, you allowing me to read your mind, oh, I know it’s uncomfortable, it tires you not being able to lie to me.

you say, “your laugh is so sexy.” I say, “I love it when you smile.”

My body is charged, like that flagpole outside our window. Highlighted with the Texas flag, a perfect view, and I talk on.

on and on and you listen. You don’t even interrupt, though I know you must be getting frustrated.

And you listen, trying to interpret every word, every sound, my gaze, notes to you, and St. Erasmus.

“What isn’t she saying?” You wonder.

Because it’s all in those rings of Saturn, in the structure and form of Dark matter and energy.

Don’t say we’ll never see eachother again.

how does structure form? Thermodynamics, baby.

it’s a picture in your mind, it’s the dream I dream of you, it’s those complex rings of Saturn. It’s the unknown, it’s the scary, it’s the plasma created in St. Elmo’s fire.

 

 

 

Meet my Virginia

My mind, she gives in to you.

You like to rip the President.

This Virginia, she’s the one you want.

My Virginia, she likes to work on Arbitrators and Fuel pumps. Sensors and Mediators.

This is my Virginia, my favorite name for our baby girl.

She’s our alter ego, unusual with Intuition and Confidence.

You need the right partner, it’s beautiful. You’re looking for me, let’s give them something to gossip about.

You’re experiencing a difficult situation at home. Where did you go wrong? Could it be that you need the right partner. The only one with desire for you? Virginia is the only one.

Chorus:

Virginia’s looking like she might be the woman for you,

She’s looking like the only one that has the heat intense enough

The one that has the duel other, the Goddess Warrior desire.

The Chippewa kite that will make Springsteen’s song take flight.

I don’t always wanna be this Goddess, Warrior Queen.

This Chippewa kite, it’s like that Springsteen song that won’t take flight.

I’m dancing high like mushrooms, dizzy and dazed.

My Cinderella Dress caught your eye, and now you’re hooked on my story.

Yeah, my heat, my wetness got you, but your eyes got me.

My mind gives in to you, and allows that smile, the one as you watch me, that one you make as your head rests back on your hands, bent up elbows..reclining.

Touch your hair when you gaze at me, that’s the most obvious sign of attraction, baby.

Chorus:

Virginia’s looking like she might be the woman for you,

I’m looking like the only one that has the heat intense enough

The one that has the duel other, the Goddess Warrior desire.

The Chippewa kite that will make your Springsteen song take flight.

 

Cinderella Dresses and Sweet Bees: How I know I love you. For my lover.

Today I was sitting there and it’s just like, I can’t control it anymore. I love you.

And it’s just these words that I want to tell you.

The words like Manifest and Destiny, and Love, and Losing Control in your Gaze.

That male gaze, My God it gets me going.

You are Fresh, you are MIA, I am a bright young college kid, it might as well be me, baby.

You’re unbaked now, you’re undone. Yeah I know you were high. Done being drunk, tired and stressed? Done being alone?

You’re afraid you will lose control if we are alone together, you’re that hot, sexy nervous sweating around me. I love that about you. It’s how I know you love me, it’s how I know I love you. Because I am tangled up in your desire. Flower

And should I post my theories on my blog? These energies change daily. And how do I know if I will have a girl or a boy with you? I only know if I am with you, because you will decide. Why does the male get to choose the gender of the baby? Because males have the ability to shoot the canon with their y or x chromosome.

And my great- grandma with her corn cob pipe told me so, she told me she is Comanche. She is a warrior princess queen. When you spoke those words of beauty and long hair, and her appearing as a white buffalo woman today with her visions of the future, it’s how I knew you were singing to me. That white buffalo woman came and sang for you and for me. White Buffalo woman goes singing. And I’m your Destiny’s Darling. I don’t ever want to leave you, I want you to protect me. Yeah, I’m so hot for you and only you.

What’s to be done with all of this passion and spark and fire? I  think it’s time we got together, I think it’s time we make our baby girl. You come and get your love.

It’s these Cinderella dresses that I buy to wear at The Phantom of the Opera, it’s the bees that suck the nectar from the center of the orange blossom. When April is ripe with rain, May will come to stay. May, oh, she will come to stay.

Ponytail Man

You’re in my spiritual space. You’ve moved into higher consciousness and are transitioning to my realm. You’ve projected yourself into my dreams, and are inhabiting my fantasies.
You’re a ponytail man.
The dream.
You walk passed me in the hallway of mirrors.
You walked towards me with your red shirt on and your hands reaching for me outside of a small bakery.

Sunglasses on, you pull them down, you invite me to visit you. To travel with you.
you look up at me and stare as you keep walking toward me.
You take a look at me and when we see each other on the street, you smile and give me a hug.

It is so nice to see you!

Nice to see you, too!
You’re a ponytail man.
You’re so fine, but what can be done?

My Future Husband

My hands are small and fit into yours perfectly.

Before I ever saw you I knew that you would be something special and different.

I knew you from a space and time prior to this present reality

That we would just know.

Many times I have been deceived on my journey into thinking he was you, but I have waited,

Anticipation for your touch,

You have already taught me patience, and lessons like no other could.

You are that significant, that it lets me know you are my future husband,

Last night I had the dream of you, it was so vivid and real, not only proposing like the one the week prior, but of you saying your vows to me and smiling in front of our friends and family.

Your presence has been unmatched to any before you, we are so psychically connected

And all its magic, my prayers have been answered.

Though I know you have been sick and wondering where I stand,

Yes I do, I want to take care of you, too.

©Molly Farr

When you are in the worst of it-the light is always there.

Coming out of the darkness And realizing that through it, my rockets of desire are stronger. Realizing that it was the push in the right direction that I needed. Realizing that in the shit, I ask for help, and sometimes it is the only time that I do. Realizing that it is the only way I know what I want, to know what I don’t want. That only when I am in loss and pain can I truly understand joy and happiness. Can I only understand true humilty and love for myself and others. Can I only understand gratitude and the feeling of appreciation for what is. Can I only enjoy life to the fullest. Can I do what I was meant to do here. Can I do what is needed for others. Can I stick to my path. Can I be strong enough to continue on in this life alone–not giving up, but enduring and living more than I could have dreamed possible.

When you’re in pain and loss.

This week I have been dealing with more loss than I care to admit. I have been losing things and people in my life. I have felt like God has given me more than I can handle, yet again, but I awake at 3 am and realize that in this loss I have expanded in my depth of love once more.

At the start of the week, I lost something very special to me. As I was thinking about how I was missing a man that I was starting to love, and feeling loss, I lost the jewel on a necklace my dad and stepmom had given to me for graduation. As I undid the clasp, it fell down the drain faster than I could catch it. It remained, stuck there, in the drain, too far to reach, barely visible. I gave up and went to bed, Sunday night.

The necklace jewel represented the lost people and things I was about to lose this week. 

My mom has decided to move out of my house this week. A family member is in severe condition right now. The guy I wanted broke up with me. The ending of things and people in my life seems unbearable.

Tonight as I went to lay in my bed alone, I checked the drain for the lost jewel, it was no longer visible. I am alone in my house. It is quiet, dark and cold. I am alone. It is me and God. There are no children in their beds sleeping, there is no mother in the other room to wake up to. There is no boyfriend in my bed next to me. I did not hear an update to my family member tonight, but I know I am losing her, too. I cried, sobbed and felt alone tonight.

I know I am in loss, and God is preparing me for more to come.